life · sex

Sex before marriage or nah?

Can sex before marriage hinder you from finding your husband or wife? Question of the day. A lot of women feel that if they have sex with a man too soon, or at all, he will look at her in a different, often negative, way. Others think it doesn’t matter at all. Men get to sleep around without the social stigma (sometimes) so why can’t we do it?

I am really curious to know what people think. In my opinion, sex before marriage is wrong. And when you do it, you block your blessings.

But sis you have two kids and you ain’t married….

You right.

I do. But I blocked my blessings and my children now suffer because of it. Yes they have two parents that love them very much and have a great co-parenting relationship, but now they have to grow up in two separate homes. It was extremely painful for them at first, at times still is, and I will never be able to take that pain away from them. They already felt it. I am sure it has other implications I am not even aware of yet as well. If I was married when I had children (yes, there is the possibility that divorce could happen but…) the likelihood that they would have to grow up in separate homes would have been minimized.

So can sex before marriage hinder you from finding a husband?

Y’all know I’m transparent, so I’ll keep it real… biggest internal battle is between my flesh and my spirit. Like I said, I feel sex before marriage is wrong, but the flesh is weak and the D….nevermind.

I am a sinner, who’s probably gonna sin again….Lord forgive me.

I feel you Kenny

But nah forreal, from a spiritual perspective yes, I think that if you go against God’s word (what you believe it to be and mean) it can and WILL have consequences. What those consequences are is in His hands, but I do believe a possible outcome could be that you hinder your journey finding a future husband or wife.

For those who do not believe in God or genuinely do not think sex before marriage is a sin, what I will say is that if you have sex with someone before you have a mental and emotional connection with them, it can hinder you from finding the one. Sex complicates things sometimes. You get so lost in the sauce that it is easy to not pay attention to other important factors. Like, does he have debt? How does he handle his finances? How does he react when things get hard? Does he get on his knees and pray or does he just complain? How does he treat his family? How does he treat his friends? Does he value the same things you do? Would he raise your children the same way you would want to? The list goes on and on. But once y’all get tired of getting it in, it gets boring, or someone else comes along that stimulates you sexually, what else is left? There probably isn’t a strong foundation to fall back on. I also think sex can complicate things because you can get sex anywhere from anybody. Literally. But you cannot get that mental stimulation from just anyone. You can’t get that authentic friendship with just anyone. So if you have sex before you all get to that point, you may have a harder time finding someone you want to spend the rest of your life with, while raising your body count along the way.

I do believe that if you and someone else have that connection on all levels outside of sex, you are on the same page, and want the same thing, sex can be the icing on the cake. And maybe, just maybe you will find the one. So my answer to the question? IDK fam. LOL but I guess at the end of the day we all have to answer to God. So you have to make the decision on what is best for you.

Until next time.

4 thoughts on “Sex before marriage or nah?

  1. Welp, this is a hard one for me. I did wait for my husband. I truly believed God would bless me and we would have the bomb sex life with no issues in that department…and you know how that all went. I’m torn, because I do believe that God created sex for husbands and wives, but I dont think it guarantees anything and men don’t necessarily appreciate that you saved yourself for them. Unfortunately, despite my best efforts and my complete faithfulness in every way to my husband, my two children are in the same boat as yours. With that said, the only thing that will create a sustainable and healthy marriage is two repented adults seeking God within their relationship. There are people who have had 30 sex partners and have amazing marriages and people in marriages with 0 previous sex partners and things are a hot mess like mine was.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for reading and sharing! I completely understand your thoughts. I honestly think it is sad that sex is such a casual thing in our society, but it is what it is. This is definitely a hard topic!


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