I really do love ya’ll

Men if you are reading this, first of all I just want to start off by saying that I love ya’ll, I really do… but I am in a weird space with men right now. Dating in LA has left me to deal with the situation in extremes. I have times where I go on dating sprees my phone is blowing up, we’re conversing, going out, and doing all the fun beginning dating activities that people do. Then, I become exhausted of the whole thing, start ignoring people, cutting them off, or replying so infrequently they stop communicating with me altogether, and it is all perfectly fine with me.

Why so extreme so you ask? Well I pondered on this myself and generally, I am not a person who operates in extremes. I very much believe in middle ground and grey areas, but when it comes to relationships I tend to get…

If I’m not obsessed with a person I find myself bored, and that is the problem I have been encountering. A lot of my dates are fine, the men are nice, polite, and we have decent conversation but its not… exciting, and during these periods of being totally unexcited I tend to close myself off completely until I feel like repeating the process all over again. I have a bad habit of shutting down when something I feel like should be going in my favor is not. Especially when I can’t even describe what this need for “excitement” that I am looking for actually looks like. This is real cliche but I feel like I’ll “just know” when the right person comes along who elicits that feeling in me. One that is so different from the rest that I cannot ignore it.

I think I fall into this repetitive pattern because I don’t really know what I want. Most times I feel like I am ready to settle into a serious relationship and other times I don’t want to be bothered at all. If I wanted something serious I would put in the time and effort to do so but.. I am consumed with things that are more important to me right now. I’m sure when it becomes a real priority for me and I focus my energy accordingly things will shift appropriately. So men I love y’all for real but also…

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