Alright sooooo. I’m about to share some stuff I haven’t even shared with my girls yet.
We decided that we were going to blog about men. And then Black History Month, and then Valentine’s Day. And guess how much I blogged about.
I am far behind, so I am trying to play catch up now. Anyone that knows me knows I am SUPER transparent, but I also value my privacy. I do not like for people to be in my business unless I decide to share. Which brings us here. I was going to make a post about how much I love men. What I appreciate about men. What I wanted men to know about women. But I couldn’t come up with anything. I realized that it was because I was not going with what was really on my mind. I was fighting what was on my heart because I wasn’t ready to share. But now I am, so here we go.
Long story short, I met an amazing guy in 2017 as soon as the year started. Funny thing is, at the end of 2016 I told myself I was going to find myself a man and BOOM. There he was. He was the first person I dated seriously after my kids’ father and I split, so of course I was verrryyyy cautious of how I moved. Dating with kids is a whole topic in itself, but I’ll just say at the end of the day I refuse to be that mother that has multiple men around her kids. I had to make sure he was worthy to even meet them and honestly, he was more than that. This guy was amazing like I said, treated me like a true Queen, treated my children even better, and was just an all around good guy. He worked hard, had his own business, and was fun to be around. We dated for about a year and a half. I never posted him on social media because I really valued what we had, and I did not want to put ourselves out there cuz y’all know people be trippin. Just negative for no reason. At least, that’s what I told myself. But honestly in retrospect, I think I did not post him because deep down I knew he was not the one.
Crazy right? But it’s true. I will not put his business out there out of respect, but what I will say is along the way there were things that I noticed that did not sit well with me but because he was so amazing, I kept on going in the relationship.
In no way, shape, or form, did he ever disrespect me or do anything crazy, but what I will say is that as women we HAVE to be honest with ourselves and realize when a man is not ready for you. There is nothing wrong with knowing your worth, knowing the space you are in, and knowing what you bring to the table. There is nothing wrong with acknowledging someone is not ready to join you at that table. Was I perfect? No. Not by any means. But the truth of the matter is he had things he needed to deal with internally. He was not in a good space within himself, and when that is the case you cannot give love. As much as I knew it and would tell him, I stayed because he was a good one. I ended up draining myself in the process and became someone I did not like because I was honestly unhappy and mf tide. I made the decision a few months ago that I needed to let go, and finally did. And I mean let go let go. Once I did, the amount of peace that I felt was unreal. Even though it hurt. Looking back, I also realized that’s another reason I felt so out of touch with myself (you can see my last blog post for more deets). I was ashamed to tell the people close to me where I was at and that I held on to something for long because I saw “potential”. I was embarrassed to say we were done because from the outside looking in he was perfect. I knew people would be like WTF want some sort of explanation and I didn’t know how I would respond. I kept it to myself, which was hurting me.
So what’s going on now girl?
Again, I won’t go in too much detail but as SOON as I let go it was like one of those situations where you let go of what isn’t for you and God shows you what is. All I know is that I am in a much better space. I am enjoying the ride, whatever it may bring. Of course, this blog is only a snippet of the situation and my journey, but the main thing I want to stress is 1) Let go and let God. 2) Be honest with yourself. 3) Enjoy the journey.
Until next time.