“But it would be nothing, nothing without a woman or a girl.”James Brown
Mr. Brown recognized our(womens) importance… but this post isn’t about us.(?)
I look into the sunset as a breeze blows through my twists,
“No, this post is about the men.”
When trying to find a fitting picture for this post I typed in “Men” on Google and on the “What other people ask” section, there was the question of “What is the purpose of man?” I chuckled because my initial thought was some heartbroken girl went to Google and sought out answers on why men exist and what is their point in life. Surely breaking her heart wasn’t their aspiration. When I clicked to view the answer, it gave information stating their purpose in relation to reproduction. Men are simply here to create and transport sperm.
“They offer more than just hot semen, Google. Sheesh”
Or do they? I Rock in my rocking chair, my hair white, my hands tired and worn resting on my blanketed lap. I open my old eyes, my iris’ slightly discolored, “In my life I’ve had my various dealing with men. The good, the bad, and the ugly.”
Yes, the ugly.
But this isn’t going to be an exposé of all of my encounters with men, cause… no, thanks. Just from life and engaging with men, young, old, funny, boring, confident, reserved, eclectic, artsy, its just a lot of em. But with that, its hard to confine them all into the “ain’t sh*t” narrative. I try my hardest not to say that about men, and if i do its a joke (Unless its true). But to prevent myself from diving into the never ending whirlpool of negatives about men, i’m going to try and focus on the positive-ish…at least today…
How do I begin? Perhaps writing about the negatives will be easier? But then I’ll look like the angry, bitter Black woman, which, i’m not because a lot of guys are great…
Alright, this is hard.
So, let me take a realistic approach. A topic like this is hard because over the years in dealing with men and developing a better understanding of myself, I’ve come to realize that we can’t change men. You can’t change people in general, at least I think that. We can influence and try to steer, but ultimately it’s that persons decision.
Like marriage. A woman constantly pressuring a man to marry her has got a long winding road ahead of her. I use to be her. Until I realized I wasn’t ready myself and when a man is ready he will step to the plate. (Is you gonna’ wait or nah?) Another example would be when I was trying to press my religious beliefs on a man. Again, not something that is effective. I spoke with my Aunt who married her husband who was Catholic and she’s a Christian. Similar but different in certain aspects. I asked how did he become a Christian? She said she invited him to church but she didn’t hound him about it. He slowly started attending church with her and eventually he joined, got baptized and saved.
Sunshine and bunnies. Beautiful.*
*(Not saying all relationships will have a happy ending)
So with that, before I go into another random topic onto this already scattered post, I don’t want to make it seem as though men hold the power with the title “This is a Mans World” and what was said about trying to change a man. However, my point (in a round about way) is about when we are dealing with men, we as women have to be logical and realistic with men and in life. So in the end it’s not really the men, its us! We’re the problem!
Super Kidding. Tuh. As If.
I just think we need to take the realistic approach with men and we just need to be more aware of ourselves and what we allow. If we encounter a “aint’ sh*t” man we need to address ourselves,
“Self, you see this right? Oh, yea i see it. Cause I’m looking at it, so I know you are. Oh, no doubt about it.”
We have to hold ourselves accountable. Additionally, we have to stick together. When we see Sis lost in a trance spiraling out of control by this man we know is no good for her, we have to Iyanla Vanzant her and gather her up. I have a friend I wish I would have done that for 5 years ago…
We already know there are bad guys out there that are up to no good and want to live up to the Google explanation of their purpose by sharing their strudel frosting*, but there are also good ones. Sometimes we have to look through a microscope to see them amongst the men-bacteria that surround them, but we can’t always place the blame or disgust on men. So it may be “a mans world” but darn-it, its ours too! #FightThePower #WeInThisBihToo
This post is under the “Men” category, and while it is only 1 of many posts, I think understanding our(my) position with men will help in the future when discussing/writing about men. It will keep me humble and of sound mind when I feel the need to go off on the species that is man, when I could have had a play in the situation.
*Strudel Frosting = semen – sorry if you eat strudels